Heroes…
My weekly submission to the scrumptious Stories From The Jukebox (link below).
This week’s song title is Heroes by the incomparable David Bowie.
It was my turn to select the song this week. I chose this one for two reasons:
I wanted to select something that might spark lots of ideas. The more submissions the better.
I wanted to write something inspired by my eldest son, Charlie. He’s adventurous, curious, courageous and positive. Qualities I admire so much in him. He’s my hero.
We can beat them, just for one day.
We can be heroes, just for one day.
Coach always was fond of a lyrical quote or two as he made his pre-game speech. This was the first time he’d channeled David Bowie, though.
We can be heroes forever and ever,
What do you say?
I think he expected a reaction akin to that which followed Al Pacino’s effort in Any Given Sunday.
Instead, he got a period of silence, which was only broken when our rookie linebacker whispered, more loudly than he probably intended:
“Is he quoting Taylor Swift?”
If there was one thing that riled Coach, it was being accused of quoting Taylor Swift. Well, that and the million other things that riled him on a daily basis.
“Taylor fucking Swift, it’s David Bowie you fucking numbskull. This is why we’re 0-12 for the season. Every last one of you lacks even a smidgen of musical appreciation.”
“Not to mention football ability,” chimed in his Assistant Coach.
“There’s no need for that,” said Coach.
“Sorry Coach,” said the Assistant Coach.
“I’m joking, you’re one hundred percent right. We’re fucking useless.”
“Fucking useless,” echoed the Assistant Coach, stepping out of the shadows and staring down the barrel of our quarterback.
The quarterback ignored him, instead addressing Coach directly:
“So what’s the game plan, Coach? How are we going to be heroes today?”
“Fucked if I know,” replied Coach. “I’m just a fictional character in a Stories From The Jukebox submission. To be honest, I don’t think the writer knows anything about American football; he’s from England for a start. I’d wager he doesn’t even know where this story is supposed to be heading; hence, he’s got me waffling and using words like hence, waffling, and wager.”
“I believe he’s going for some kind of triumphant underdog type vibe,” offered our ever-helpful tight end. “Think Cool Runnings but without bobsleds.”
The Coach pondered this suggestion for a moment before replying:
“I like it; this idea has got legs. We’re fucking abysmal, but we’re going to go out there and miraculously beat the reigning State Champions, probably after overcoming a number of unforeseen adversities.”
“And I’ll make out with the hottest cheerleader at the after-game party,” shouted one of the more aesthetically displeasing offensive tackles, warming to the opportunity ahead.
“It’s a sporting underdog story, not a niche porn fantasy,” said Coach. “You stick to protecting the quarterback; he’s your one and only.”
“Typical,” replied a somewhat dejected offensive tackle. “I can’t even get the girl in a made-up story.”
“We are still going to need some kind of plan,” the quarterback exclaimed, keen to move on from the unpleasant image of the offensive tackle getting it on with his girlfriend.
“You’re right,” said Coach. “We’re going to need someone from the practice squad to inexplicably find themselves promoted to the active roster and then plunged into the action at a vital moment.”
“Ideally someone with a wooden leg,” the Assistant Coach added, trying and failing to be helpful.
“They’re football players, not fucking pirates.”
“Sorry, Coach.”
“Apart from anything else, it’s a known fact that pirates can’t play football and I’m fairly sure we don’t have anyone with a wooden leg in the practice squad.”
Note: The writer of this story doesn’t believe that pirates can’t play football, although he doesn’t actually know any that made the NFL.
That’s more his issue though, and he will seek additional inclusivity and diversity training before he writes another word.
He also apologises for any offence caused and promises to ‘Google it’ to find out if there are, indeed, pirates who’ve made their mark on the sport of gridiron.
The Coach was warming to his original theme now:
“Who’s the most useless, socially inferior, and worst dressed current member of the development squad?”
For some reason, everyone looked at me.
I could accept the criticism of my sporting prowess and my awkwardness in social situations, but I thought I looked good in my bucket hat and dungarees.
Coach had made his mind up, though.
“Right, you’re up. What’s your position?”
“Fullback.”
“For fucks sake, you’re playing quarterback.”
“What about me?” said the quarterback.
“You’re too good-looking and talented, basically the opposite of what we need today. I’m benching you.”
The quarterback nodded in agreement; there wasn’t much he could add to that.
“So let’s review,” exclaimed an increasingly excited Coach. “Do we have a pitiful excuse for an American Football team?”
“Check,” shouted the Assistant Coach.
“Have we been forced, at the last minute, to replace our starting quarterback with a socially inadequate, fashion disaster, with zero sporting ability?”
“Check,” boomed the whole locker room, apart from me.
“Is this a completely fictitious situation, dreamed up by a writer with a poor excuse for an imagination?”
A spontaneous chant broke out:
“Check, Check, Check…”
“Well, let’s go and make this fairytale come true.”
To a man, the team charged out of the locker room and onto the field.
Never had they been so motivated.
Never had they been more confident.
They lost 0-54.
What did we learn?
There’s always a twist 😉.
Please share this one. It helps me but also supports the growth of Stories From The Jukebox which is a great platform for aspiring writers.
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❤️
I love the idea that the characters know they are in your story, Phillip. This is fucking brilliant!!
This is awesome Phill! I'll have the newsletter done in a couple hours. 🤣 They lost 0-54 🤣